Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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