Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
