im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
