Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Small penises have feelings too.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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