Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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