Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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