She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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