State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
A+ Viking dick
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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