so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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