guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
