I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Randomize
