I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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