I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
