Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
