its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Slut skills are useful in every country.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
