Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
