uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
