I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
