you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
