You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
