I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I have surprise drugs for everyone
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
