im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
