you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
