I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
