he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
