I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
my sisters under your porch take her home
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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