11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
