my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
