I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
