You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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