hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
