You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
