I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Randomize
