Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
