He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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