it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
