Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
