He disabled his match.com account in front of me
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
