if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
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