There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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