This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
operation harelip BJ is a go
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
