around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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