I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
