Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
