He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
