i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
