she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
