Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
