it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
