Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
